Eyes open, beautiful day rain or shine. Get out of bed, go downstairs make coffee for me and Cath.
Sit and chat about the night before and the day ahead with Cath before heading to work after taking my pills.
Stop for coffee, switch my mobile on, deal with messages and emails, plan my day – work, SMART meetings, hobbies, meeting friends, spending time with family.
Meet my daughter and my grandchildren during the day. Catch up with Cath before heading to SMART.
Chat with my son when he is at the house. Give him a hand with his car and the dogs.
At SMART am pleased to be able to say again what I always say …’no drinkies, thoughts or cravings’ …28 months sober.
Play guitar, cycle my bike, meet new friends for coffee and chat, mind my grandsons, go to Groups, plan holidays, do DIY, fit in some work, pay off debts.
Can hold conversations on my own without a crutch. Have an interest in current affairs. Read the newspapers. Am aware of the world around me.
Feel good, family life being restored, never knew there could be so much sunshine!
A day in my Life - Negative
A DAY IN MY LIFE – THEN
Morning breaks, eyes open, depression hits, thoughts fill my head – I wish I hadn’t woken up – GRIM
Empty beer cans and vodka bottles – head screams – have I hidden them well enough???
Drag myself out of bed, shaking and wishing I was dead.
Go downstairs, makes coffees for me and Cath. Sit on edge of bed dreading the day ahead, hold back the tears as I kiss Cath goodbye each day.
Where is my cloak – my protection – I can’t cope with this life.
One morning Cath realises I’m not well – see the doctor – prescribed anti-depressants.
Take the medication, no impact, drive to work, depression and anxiety in full swing.
Dread switching my mobile phone on but need to, fearful of what might be on there.
Plan my day around my drinking – 3.30 pm and it’s time for the pub and to meet up with my so-called beer buddies. Drink 6, 7, or maybe 8 pints in quick succession, time for home calling at the shop on the way, buy 4 cans of beer and a bottle of vodka.
Home and the sneaky drinking continues. Think nobody realises what I am up too.
BLISS – alcohol takes over, depression eases as I fall into a sleep, watching the TV.
My relationship with my wife and family is falling apart because of my drinking but the depression has taken over and only the drinking helps.
No time for family life or anything that does not involve drinking, no way out of this vicious circle – I wish I hadn’t woken up – GRIM.